Hello, guys and gals. It's your boy Rye "SneakyLizard" Callan (a.k.a The Badass Zaterran). "sighs" For those of you who don't know, I have an inherent dislike for Michael Pachter. All my life, I've hated bullshit. In this industry, the top producer of this substance is Michael Pachter, who is an analyst of Wedbush Securities and the star of his own show "Pach-Attack". All around the world, people watch him answer questions with impossibly wrong data, bad opinions, and incredible bias. But that's not my criticism, that's his own. He even admits he's a terrible analyst, who only gets things right about 2% of the time.
Now being a terrible analyst in and of itself isn't my problem with Pachter. I do admit I'm jealous of his job. If I could get spent hundreds or thousands of dollars for spouting bullshit everywhere I go and somehow earn the admiration of thousands of people, of course I'd love my job. I would thank God every day that a talentless hack like myself somehow lucked out enough in the random nature of life to achieve this miraculous position in the universe. I would be the happiest person alive, wouldn't you?
My problem with Michael Pachter is simple: He won't shut up. He loves being in the limelight, no doubt to promote himself and his business. I can't think of another analyst in this industry that gets half as much exposure as Pachter. He's a greedy famewhore who thinks this is Hollywood. But even then, I don't see anyone paying much attention to analysts in that industry either. Could it be that he's just entertaining? Hardly.
Now, you might think I'm picking on Pachter mainly because he evidently hates Nintendo, despite what he might say in his defense, but you'd be wrong. I hate this man, because anyone (including you or me) could do his job better, but he's in the news constantly (I actually mean Google search of articles related to games). I have to read about him almost every day because I'm a hardcore gamer that actually stays informed. Reading articles featuring Pachter is like having a brain aneurism every single morning. He's either going off on how Nintendo is doomed (which is not the case), how Iwata (who passed away in Summer 2015) is a bad CEO, how Nintendo is not a very good company, or how he predicts Skype is going to be a killer app for the Xbox One and win the generation.
To make things even more annoying about him, he says that the upcoming Nintendo NX is going to fail. Seriously. That just goes to show how much of an idiot he really is. I mean, really. He's just a moronic ape.
The sad thing is, I'm not even overexaggerated. He's actually said these things and worse. I could give endless examples of how terrible he is at his job and how often he appears undeservingly in the news. But I'm gonna keep this journal short and sweet:
"Michael Pachter, you are a hack. You're wrong about almost everything you say, and you dumb down the gaming industry every single time you open your mouth. Seriously. Think before you speak, and spare us from your ignorance and self-serving bias. I won't tell you to get a real job because you're the luckiest man alive, but please, do it better. Or at the very least, stop pouring yourself out to every media outlet that will help you. Thank you!"
Seriously, I hated when he said that the late Satoru Iwata ruined Nintendo. It was the straw that broke the camel's back, as I have watched, listened, and read far too many stories with Michael Pachter at the center. He is wrong 99% of the time, and only right when it's so obvious any of you could've predicted it. It's time for him to go away. And fast.
That wraps up my rant on this pathetic excuse for an analyst. This is SneakyLizard slithering into the shadows.